Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Happy new year!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Today is the first day of 2014. I cant believe how fast 2013 went by. I have to say it was one of the most difficult years of my life.  I was blindsided two weeks after my birthday by my husband telling me that he wanted a divorce. The thing is i didnt want the divorce, i still dont.

I have gone out on 2 dates and you know what its not the same. I miss my husband. I love him more than anything. No matter what we went thru i still want him, and only him. The last half of the year had many firsts, the first time we had birthdays without him, the first halloween, christmas and new years. Nothing is the same, it still felt like we were missing something.

I know everyone is saying it will get easier with time, am i just denying everything so i dont have to listen to them? i feel like most of me is missing without him. I still feel like im dying without him. He is not a bad person and hes not a bad man, he just creates difficult times. i love him.  Yes the guy i went out with is nice. but its not him. i want to share everything with my husband not someone else. Yes i know i made mistakes and i know we both did and maybe we didnt handle them well. but i just cant turn it off like a switch. He seems too.

I always ask myself, will i ever get past this, ive loved him for so long. I try and move on without him. but then there is that tug in my heart and the ache in my belly that knows it isnt right. I know its not all my fault or all his, i just wish we could work thru it. And that the second things got tough that it wasnt the choice to end it.