Sunday, September 26, 2010

Unexpected happenings...


So this weekend was a bit unorthodox. The hubs was going to nh to help his friends with some projects and left after work on friday. He is due home sunday(today). Friday seemed to go ok but then out of nowhere M got a fever of 104. The hubs was already in nh and so he just kept texting to see how the situation was going. Friday was a long day, i always cant sleep when something is going on..and the hubs and i both have a hard time sleeping when we are apart. I got up friday at 5 am for no reason, i knew he was leaving that day so maybe thats what was on my mind. Saturday i was up again before 7 due partially to the hubs texting seeing how things were going and then also because M was awake and wasnt feeling well again. I proceeded to work on somethings in our room( straightneng some things ) we dont have any storage of any sort here so its basically trying to find a place for it. I did dishes of course and started some laundry. E seemed to be somewhat listless so i took his temp and he had one of 101. So now i had both kids not feeling well. We mostly watched movies on the movie channels and then watched some on demand. It was really hot here yesterday so i was trying to keep them quiet,calm and cool since they both were running temps. Today i got up early again ( thank goodness the hubs will be home tonite!) and ive done the dishes( there werent much since i havent had to cook much since hes been gone this weekend and the kids are sick) ive continued cleaning and straightnening stuff, cleaned the cat box and also taken the garbage out, given M a bath and put things away in the storage box with all the important files.By the time the hubs gets home i plan on having the kids in bed..he is expected around 8pm or a bit after. Im making lasagna tonite for dinner and having it calm and quiet when he returns so it doesnt seem stressful.

I havent blogged about it much but ever since we moved started in march or april, the hubs has been experiencing panic/anxiety attacks. He went on meds but we found out after a few months on those certain ones they werent working and he was switched. We had some things come up unexpecting in april that just set us back when we seemed to be chugging right along here.But then the set backs happened and then my hours at work got cut back, we had company this summer and then my husband decided to have me quit my job since it wasnt worth the one day a week. I mean i only had 12 hrs in the month of june. So for about a month and a half ive been unemployed which is adding to the stress of things. Its not easy for the hubs. I stay home with the kids and have to take the hit work wise with the kids if they are sick etc, becuase his job is more important. He says i dont contribute to the family financially which to him is bigger than the mom/wife house things i do. It really has me scared about our marriage. I am doing what i can and have been on a few interviews, but he doesnt want me to take the job if it doesnt pay enough etc. I just want a job so it takes the stress off of him financially and we can begin to repair what problems have plagued us. IT has me severely depressed and crying. I love my husband so much, maybe more so than my kids, because in the end after they are grown and gone and have their own lives it will be me and him. But him having to do everything with the attacks takes a huge toll on him. Ive tried my best to make things calm and do what he asks that will help him, but it always doesnt work. We arent people who argue much. But we do more than we ever have. I stress about not finding a job that works for us, i stress about the kids behavior and it causing things for him. I stress about him not thinking im doing anything to find a job. I know he thinks that while hes at work but i am trying really hard. With M only going 3 half days a week to school doesnt leave me any time during the day to get something, so i have to work at nite so he can keep the kids. And as the old addage goes, the kids behave better for everyone else than they do for us. He says its unfair since he goes and does things like going to the shooting range to relieve his stress but i dont get to do anything. Well thats ok im used to it. Ive had a pretty hard life. I think my life only improved since ive been with him. I was married before and i dont think of it as a marriage but as a learning experience of what i didnt want. He was my high school sweetheart and he was fine in the beginning but he became a nightmare shortly after. He did what he wanted ( yes that includes cheating) and was even worse after our daughter died. we got divorced in 2002 but he left long before that in 2001. I had been a single mom for a long time. I met my current husband in 2001 and we started off as friends but finally decided to take our relationship farther. He is an amazing man and i love him so so much. He never had these attacks till the spring and we moved to the east coast. and im hoping that soon things will change and when i get a job he will get some stress taken off of his shoulders. I dont ask or complain too much because it just adds to his stress, he says its unfair but i just think it has to be that way for awhile. I am very insecure because of my past and sometimes think the worst. Thats not always fair to him and i know that. But i couldnt imagine loosing him, and i fear if things dont start going better for us it may come to that, and i feel that could kill me. i dont think i can live with out him. And i cant go thru it again. Before when R's dad and i split up i clung to it but realized id be better off, this time i know it wont be true. Im not as strong as everyone thinks. I get hurt easily and hide it well. And when you have no one to turn too your mind just begins to wander.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

When life happens...

Hi Everyone~

I hope you are all well. We are now on the mend, all though the hubs seems to be still a bit sick. I cant believe we all got sick so early, but hey what can you do? The kids still have a bit of a runny nose and cough, and my nose is still stuffy, but we are far better now than we were last week. Things have been busy other wise, besides being sick. Ive been on a few job interviews and will have a second for the job i really want some time next week. Im totally excited for it and hope i get the job. I will be back to working at nite since thats the only thing that works for us until M gets into school full time. which if he does ok in preschool would be next year for kindergarten.

On the school front E has adjusted nicely to 2nd grade and likes school. He still struggles with reading but is getting much better. On Sept.8 I took M to get screened for preschool. Here they have preschool within the school district that is offered, but because its fairly new and a small program the child has to get screened and they have to basically approve him to be in it..since there is such limited space. The screening went well and we had to wait till today to get a meeting to discuss the screening and if he would get placed. He got a spot! Im so excited for this, and he is beyond excited! He comes every morning out with us when we take E to the bus and is upset because he hasnt been able to go to school. Now he can. He will be going 3x a week in the morning. He will be starting next week, as to give them time to get all the paperwork done. Ive never known a child at 4 years old want to go to school and be so excited about it!

In other news, its already begining to look like fall here in new england. The leaves are already starting to change and its been cool weather. Its mostly been in the 60's but today it got to 80. Its like the freak day. Ive already been able to make homemade chicken soup, and homemade chili and corn bread. We also went last sunday apple picking! We had a good time. I cant wait till we can go on a hayride and get pumpkins!I love that we can now wear cozy sweats in the evening and have the windows open and have a nice breeze. We can go on leisurely walks and not get super hot!

Also i have lost 23 lbs in about one month! Im so super excited about this, since with M i didnt seem to loose the baby weight. With the other boys i never was on birth control of any kind and with M i went on something immidiately so i didnt get the full advantages of breastfeeding. I think it lowered my milk production. So i was on something till about sept 08 and then went off so we could start trying for another, but have had to go back on and off to try and regulate me since my body had never been on something. So when i stopped it i never could get a regular period. But these 23 lbs have fallen off. Im really not doing much different. Im drinking more water( almost with everything) since we have a water cooler and get water delivery. I drink milk occasionally, and a soda if we go out to eat but thats it its mostly water. I drink one cup of coffee a day and am eating smaller portions. I hope it comes off quick so i can get down close to what i weighed before i had M. I can already see a difference. I havent been doing to much excercise since im limited with the back injury i have. My clothes ( at least my pants and undergarments are loose)so im really excited!

And inquiring minds at Pieces of the Pepins want to know : what are some of your fall traditions? What are your favorite things about fall? What are some of your favorite fall reciepes?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

sorry for the absence

Hi Everyone~

sorry for the absence but we have been busy here trying to catch up on stuff and then we have all started to get sick, it started with one kid and moved to the second and me and the hubs sounds a bit stuffy now too, so when i feel better i will post with whats been goin on! and it also feels like fall here its been cool, we've taken out the ac's because its so cool. that could have attributed to the not feeling so great!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Wedding Weekend and other adventures!


Hope you all had an amazing long holiday weekend! We had a busy week last week, with school starting and then gearing up for the wedding this past weekend. School started tuesday! E is officially a 2nd grader! Things got off without a hitch. M is a little bit becuase he wasnt going but we hope to get him into preschool fairly soon.

The hubs was off on friday since we had to head up to New Hampshire for the wedding. Friday nite was the rehersal but we left early in the morning to help with set up of the hall and then we had to drop the kids off to grandma that afternoon. The hall set up went with out any trouble, except that we were roasting was a tad warm that day. The manager that was working with Sara and Dave wasnt going to turn the ac on till about an hr before the rehersal. Rehersal went off without a hitch! Then we headed back to Dave's moms house for a bbq..the food was scrumptious! Then the ladies headed out to Sara's sisters and the boys stayed at Dave's moms. The girls didnt sleep to well but the boys had no trouble go figure! Us girls got up early saturday, one went to pick up the flowers, and the rest of us headed to finish up at the reception hall. From there we had to leave and have hair appts at 12. That didnt take to long we were all out by 3, then headed back to Pats Peak were the wedding and reception were being held. We just had to hang out till about 430-5 and then start getting ready. The awsome thing was that another wedding was taking place the same day,except they were taking he ski lifts to the top and getting married, im sure they had a great view! When it came down to the wedding we only had one glitch! The Glitch was that as we lined up to walk out, the power went out! OMG we were freaking out. The music couldnt be played ..nothing. The other wedding ended up being evacuated out of the other lodge and ended up watching our ceremony and cheered at the end it was amazing of them to do! Of course with the power going out it delayed the music and cocktails and hour derv hour with them scrambling around to find a generator. The other wedding party ended up coming over to invite us to come join their party since their dj was able to move his truck onto the grass and they were all dancing outside and into their reception. We were able to get pics and finally the generators came and we plugged them in and were able to move a bit forward. Then miraculously the power came on! Right in time for dinner ! So all in all we didnt really have to many issues and no one really noticed. Everyone had a great time! We ended up staying the rest of the weekend and came home monday evening. It was a long but fun weekend, but it also would have been nice to come home to our own bed since Dave's mom gave up her bed to us for the weekend. Now we are back into our regular routine.

Fall is defintely in the air. The leaves are beginning to change in New England. You can feel the crispness. I cant wait to decorate for fall, halloween and thanksgiving! I love fall, cozy sweaters, boots!

well im off for now, i have laundry to do from the weekend and other house chores.Have a great Tuesday everyone!

ps i will post first day pics later on since i dont have the camera with me!