Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Years Everyone!

Happy New Year everyone!

Heres to hoping everyone gets what they want this year! Please remember to be safe and if you go out please call a cab or have a driver!

One thing im hoping for this new year is that we find a bigger place to live and we have great luck this year as opposed to 2010 we had some good runs of bad luck!

See you all in the new year...with some new posts. E's birthday is one of them!


Friday, December 24, 2010

merry christmas

Hi Everyone!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! hope you guys have a fantastic day spent with family and friends!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Going on 48 hrs of Hell!

Hi all~
We are going on 48 hrs of hell. to be blunt about it. It all started tuesday nite. I was here waiting for the hubs to get home and was ready for work and the kids were playing. We live in an apt and its small, so sometimes if the neighbor is home (he lives above us) you can hear the water running, like if he turns his sink on or flushes his toilet etc. So i was hearing water and i was like sheesh, but then it sounded like a waterfall, or a rippling brook. BUT IT WASNT!!!! i go to where i think the sound is coming from..towards the laundry room. so at first im thinking the water hose from the washer came off or something, but no it couldnt be that simple. It was the water heater/tank. Water was coming out all over the place. i ran back to the living room and grabbed the phone and tried to call the hubs, but he didnt answer so i ran out the front door to the neighbors to get the emergency maintenance #. So i call the emergency maintenance # and identify where we live etc and tell him whats going on and he says and i quote" can you call me back in 10 minutes?" Im thinking "SERIOUSLY?" so i go back to the neighbors and see if she can keep the kids and in the meanwhile without my knowledge the property management company calls my husband to ask him if i know how to shut the water off. He has no clue as to what has transpired at all. The neighbor tells me a maintenance man is working on site in #7 redoing it so maybe he can get the water off. He comes over and he sees the mass flooding going on and goes into the laundry room and proceeds to locate the shut off which is AT THE CEILING!! how is someone my height going to reach that, and why wouldnt it be where someone can reach it? But the damage is done the entire house is flooded, and im not kidding about 90 gallons of water all over the house, wall to wall in both bedrooms and about half way into the living room. The maintenance guy that was on site proceeded to call the emergency guy and said you need to get a bigger shop vac and a mop. He starts to shop vac etc but its everywhere. What a pain. Of course this would happen to us. a week before xmas. the kids gifts were in our room and they were in bags but who knows how bad their packages are damaged. The property management co called the hubs and stated to him " you need to elevate your stuff" he yelled back into the phone " you have to elevate the entire apartment!" This wasnt boding well for his panic/anxiety issue. To top it all off he was scheduled to go to Maine for work on wednesday thats why he was freaking out more. Plus he knew he wasnt going to be around and that i had to work wednesday nite so it wasnt helping. So that nite they shop vac'ed as best they could and had some blowers going and then came the next morning and replaced the water heater, cleaned and mopped and we were waiting on the pro carpet co..which didnt show up before i had to go to work. they also brought in some de-humidifiers...but the smell is smells musty etc Tomorrow they are going to bring in more blowers to try and help it out. This is just what we need. UGGH we need to win the lottery or something. bring us some good luck for a change

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Tis the Season

Hi Everyone~

Sorry for such a lapse in posts but i have been busy working at nite and weekends and trying during the days to catch up on stuff around the house and doing things like going to conferences. Things are just busy. The hubs is working hard during the day and i am working hard at nite. The kids are doing well in school. Its also been bitterly cold here on the east coast, so outdoor activities are limited. Last weekend we finally had a day off together and went grocery shopping and then we got our christmas tree. Its gorgeous. we picked a good one this year. We came home and unloaded everything and put the tree up. Pics will come soon. We also are done xmas shopping for the kids. I have a few things in mind for the hubs tho. You may recall that we got a dusting of snow on my birthday which was nov. 8. We havent had any since then or even a hint of some, even though the temps were down in the teens and 20's. Well last weekend we had temps in the 40's and 50's. It was balmy even. I keep wondering when we are going to get some snow , its just so yucky to look outside. Well it was raining sunday and into monday but they said the temps would drop and it would turn to snow..Weeeee! i was pumped and was hoping. Well as i left for work it was pouring down rain...then sometime it the temps did drop, and it turned to snow. You can still see grass and its kind of falling now as i type but i want the snow that you can build a snow man, have a snowball fight, or even go sledding. I hope it happens soon! Well off to do more laundry and try to relax another work nite for me!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wow Its been crazy around here!

Hi all!

Wow this month is flying by.. for sure. As some or all of you may know i started a new job. My orientation was on the 16th and it was 7 hrs long. That day i got my schedule till dec 3. The rest of that week i only worked till 9pm, then i was off the weekend, and that monday i started my 5-1230 am shift. OMG i felt like a zombie the next morning. I came home changed and went to bed. I must confess..i hate not being able to go to bed with my husband. Even though he may have just gone to bed at 11-1130 its still not the same. Technically we close at 12 am and then we have to wait while the 3rd shift rings up any snacks drinks etc( as its the last opportunity) so we can clock out at 12:25. This is far different than what they told me at orientation. they told us the latest you get out is 12:10. It takes me about 10 minutes to get home. I usually come in put my stuff down, grab my stuff , go to the bathroom and get in bed. After the first few days i have done ok getting up the next morning. And i usually take a nap during the day so as to not be so tired. I was off the wed prior to thanksgivng and thanksgiving. Then I had to work BLACK FRIDAY, granted i worked a 5- 1230 shift but they swore that it would be chaos during the day and that we would be dead at nite. um not so much! Apparently people are used to the sale being over at 11 am not lasting till midnite so after 11 am it slowed way down. so they sent people home early etc. well that caused issues for us nite people and on top of that people called in so there was like 4 cashiers and then people in their various departments. it was madness!
I worked the weekend 12-9. I came home early sunday as at about 300pm i started feeling horrible, i had eaten before i went to work, but they had given us some candy one thing i did eat was a white chocolate candy cane hershey kiss, i hate hate hate white chocolate so i dont know if that started it or what. I asked if there was anything i could do that didnt deal with being on a register or people. it just felt like i was getting worse. It felt like my insides were going to fall out. it was a stabby crampy feeling in my tummy. No it wasnt that time of the month i had already had that. it was excruciating pain. i was feeling like crap. from not eating , not sure but i was having bouts of being hot then cold. they sent me to lunch early and i couldnt eat the food i brought i kept running to the bathroom thinking i was going to vomit. ( sorry gross i know) they had me do meaning less jobs that had me away from people. They had me jump on really quick to ring one person up so i did and then this lady could clearly see that i was closed got in line so i had to ring her up so after she spent 400$ and i was waiting on her she was so slow doing her debit card, i almost passed out. i went and sat down and they sent me home at i didnt miss to much work but gosh i havent felt that bad in a long time. i sipped some chicken broth and ate some crackers and that was it and yesterday i ate a bagel and then ate dinner and drank water most of the day. Today i feel a bit better , so i dont know. I called the dr and they said if it changed or got worse i needed to be seen as it could be my appendix. way to freak someone out. Plus it helped that i was off yesterday today and tomorrow and i work thurs, fri ,sat and sun. Sat will be nice as its only 9-2.

In other news im taking E to the dr on the 1st to see about him having add/adhd. He is having some troubles in school , disturbing others, is fidgety, at home hes very defiant and is having meltdowns and ripping homework up so hopefully if they give him some meds it may help him out. Hopefully this weekend we will get a tree. i cant wait to have more time with the hubs and kids. granted sunday i work 1-10 :(

I hope this finds you all well.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Our Thanksgiving

Hi All~

Wow i cant believe thanksgiving has come and gone. We have been so busy here in our house. Me with the new job, and the kids conferences and all out just being busy, and not spending much time together at all! But that changed starting 11/24. I had the day off of work, and the kids had a half day and we were all going to be home thursday. Me and M ran some last minute errands and then came home to meet E's bus. We had a nice lunch and then some rest time. We stayed up late that nite since we didnt have anywhere to be on thursday. We got up and the hubs went and got donuts from "punkin donuts " as M calls it ( dunkin donuts if you cant decipher ) the hubs then messed around with his project hes building and the kids played. i got to read and just relax.Since it was going to be just us we didnt have to get up and start cooking. we put our turkey breast in at about 230 and let it cook for about 3 hrs and it turned out perfect. Mind you this is the first time we have ever cooked for thanksgiving ourselves. we had turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn,stuffing,and cranberries. it was so good. we were very proud of ourselves. because in the past it has turned out to be disasterous so we have always gone to someones house. The hubs was so pleased with how it turned out that he said we could do it again since it was also so easy.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Happy Veterans Day

Hi Everyone

This post will be short sweet and to the point!

Happy Veterans day! this is huge thank you to all the service members who are serving, have served and have also gaven their lives for us. You are greatly appreciated. We will never be able to repay you for the things you give up in order to protect us and our freedoms. Thank you to my grandfathers, my dad, my husband, my cousin anthony and my brother. thank you to my friend raymond j plouhar who gave his life for the cause. It just seems like thank you isnt enough.

Monday, November 8, 2010

If you really knew me..happy birthday its a post all about me...

Hi Everyone!

Todays post is all about me! For today is my birthday!

If you really knew me.....

Name: Christa Kathleen
Dob: 11/8/75
I was born in : California
I grew up in : Michigan
I am: the oldest of 5 kids ; 4 girls and 1 boy (hes in the middle)
I am : victim of domestic violence (disclaimer: not by my hubs or my ex hubs, by some one completely unrelated)
I : love to read, when i was in kindergarten i read 500 books for a reading contest
My favorite colors are : blue then green
I am: a good cook
I am: a great MOM
I have had: 4 kids, R is the oldest at 16, Michaela was born 5-2-97 (deceased the same day) E is 7 and M is 4
I have : a huge heart. I love hard and deep, and it hurts when things dont go right
Im very creative
I dont normally eat breakfast
That when i was little we used to travel alot
My hubs and i have only been on one vacay together and we took the kids to disney ( i think its time at least for a weekend without them!)
My favorite fruit is strawberries, i ate a lb a day when i was pregnant with M, second i like pears, i ate those with E.
My mom died in 2005 unexpectedly, it is heartwrenching every day to know what she is missing..
My husband is my life, i know it may sound bad but when the kids are gone, he and i will be together.
When i was younger and asked what i wanted to be when i grow up my answer was a MOM.
i was really close to my nanny, she died 1 yr and 8 days after my mom.I lived with her for years to take care of her.
That my oldest son doesnt live with me all the time, (not by choice!!)
That i have a huge heart and dont do much for myself as i do for others!
That i hold stress and pain in and hardly let it show when something is hurting or bothering me
That i would love someone to come and clean my house and it stay that way
That i was in choir since 6th grade and took 4 years of private lessons
One of my favorite shows is GLEE!!
I watch a lot of crime shows: 48 hrs mystery, csi, law and order svu and criminal intent
i love reality shows like : jersey shore, the rachel zoe project, 16 and pregnant, teen mom
i love reading mommy blogs: you guys know who you are !!
Im becoming a hunting widow for the first time! my husband is leaving tomorrow to go hunting!
I dream of going to IRELAND
Im half irish and half italian!
I love the snow at xmas and the sun in the summer and spring
I wish i had enough money so my kids and me and the hubs could get what we need and some of what we want.
One of my favorite restaraunts is chilis! i love going for chicken fajitas and a dr pepper and their chips and salsa, hell alot of the time i go just to pick up chips and salsa
That i have a hard time trusting, due to some epic things from my past.
That i love boy bands: bsb, nkotb,
That i heart justin bieber, he makes me smile and reminds me of my own 16 yr old
That the only soap opera that i have watched continuously is General Hospital
That i wish that i had enough money to buy all my siblings houses so we could all live close and raise our kids together. Maybe all in the same neighborhood!
That i have only had one pro massage ever and it was heavenly
That i dont ever look my age, i never have, im always told i look way younger than i am, heck my oldest thinks im 25! ha love it! i look like im 21 though( i think i get it from my momma, she was 51 when she died and didnt look her age either!)
That i listen to all types of music

Well thats all i can think of, since i had no one asking me questions , i just have thought as i type! enjoy!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

An Update on the happenings with M...

Hi Everyone!

Things have just been crazy here since the end of September! Well let me give you some background. On September 8th i took M to be evauluated for the preschool that is within the school district. He walked in and didnt even look back, unlike his brother when i did it with him he hid behind me and hardly co-operated. M wanted to go to school. Soon the eval was over and they told me that they had to set up a meeting to get the we had to wait till September 22 to get those. Well i went into the meeting expecting them to say that he qualified etc. Which he does but they also said that they saw something wrong with his eyes, and that they wanted him to have the pediatrician just look at them the next time i took him.So now that he qualified for the preschool they deemed that he would go 3 days a week for 2.5 hrs a day. He would get speech and the ot specialist would monitor him in class but thats about it. They are kind of fast tracking him since he will be going to kindergarten in the fall. Speech i can understand because some words you simply cannot understand. They said they would add more days if need be but they wanted to have him get in and get him going before they change anything.So M was going to start the following monday as to give them time to finish the paperwork and set up the bus. I set up an appt for the pediatrician for that week. Here on the east coast its called a physical instead of a well check but whatev! So they told me they would do a vision screen and hearing test during the appt as well as talk about what the eval for the preschool said and any concerns we had ourselves about things with him. So we go and he is getting the hearing test first, first i have to say that i didnt think he would understand what is required of him, as it was he didnt really, but then they moved onto vision and he passed that. The dr wasnt to concerned about the eval and thought that he would be fine but thought that maybe they should be requiring him to go 5 days since he would go to kindergarten. M has asthma and respitory airway disease, we didnt find this out till he was like 1 but we only found out since he kept getting croup really bad and the drs kept saying it was just a cold. I dont see M as being behind in any way that people would think he needs speech and stuff , but hes stayed home with me from Jan 2009 till he started the preschool this past sept. The kids used to go to daycare full time and i worked full time but pulled them out when i found out the provider was abusing them. So also at the dr appt he got his kindergarten shots and the dr noticed the thing with his eyes and because to them he failed the hearing test referred him to a specialist and to the eye dr for them to check his eyes. So thats when i started freaking out. What do you mean something is wrong with his eyes? What do you mean he failed the hearing what does he have hearing loss is he deaf ? what the eff is going on? They were surprised he heard anything since he had a mild ear infection in his right ear. but they said he didnt hear anything on the left..but again i didnt think he would get what they wanted him to do. So off we went to the eye dr. Not to scary as what i thought he did fine, ends up he is farsighted and needs glasses. Then off to the hearing specialist, they do the tests etc ask a bunch of questions, but they say that the testing at the peds office isnt really reliable because they dont really know how to test the kids or get them to do what needs to be done for the test.

So you can imagine after weeks of freaking out and the panic that insues when you hear something may be physically wrong with your child, the relief that he has NO hearing loss and wearing glasses isnt a big deal. He actually likes his glasses and loves going to school and loves that he gets to ride the bus. He loves that he got to have a halloween party at school and that he is so proud when he brings home papers he does and shows them to us and hangs them on the fridge!

Yes some days are a chore like any day, with kids and school, he sometimes doesnt want to go when he wakes up but when the bus gets here hes ready. AND I get to have 2.5 hrs of peace and quiet in my house with no one but me in it. So i use it to watch my shows on the dvr, laundry, dishes,etc , stuff that takes longer or gets messed up when i do it with everyone here!

Monday, November 1, 2010

A Post to come soon..well a few

Hi everyone!

Sorry its been awhile but not only having my 16 yr olds birthday this month, then the anniversary of my mothers death,then 8 days after her it was the anniversary of my nanny's death, with whom i was very close too and also i lived with her for a while and took care of her. Then we also had some specialist appts for M and i will have a post on that! But some ideas i have for posts besides one for halloween with pics and also the one on M, but i think im going to have one about hunting. I know some may frown on it, but truly i have never experienced it. My husband used to go with his father when he was younger and he is going again next week for the first time in id say about 10 years. He is beyond excited to go. He will be out there opening day. So in my post about hunting, i will consult the hubs and ask him types of gear you might wear and use. Things you may look for etc. It might get some criticisim, but who knows. We dont eat it, he will take it to a butcher and then give it away, and then take it to a taxidermy.

I also will have a post all about me for my birthday on the 8th. Im still working at the golden arches and its going well, still looking for something better but so far nothing yet!and another for thanksgiving! hope this finds everyone well! Check back often for new posts!

Monday, October 18, 2010

A loss thats hard to recover from.....

Hi Everyone~
This is a post that is so hard to write. It is about a loss. A loss thats devestating. Its not about the loss of a child, ive already written about that. This is a loss about a woman. A woman that was a wife, mother, friend, a pep talker, a leader, a guide, a bus driver to disabled children, a woman who was loved by many. This post is about my mother. It is hard to write even though its been 5 years. 5 years ago my siblings and my life changed. Her grandchildren's lives and her husbands life changed. Her friends life changed. It was so unexpected that no one at all was prepared for it. They say it gets easier as time goes on but in all reality it doesnt. How can it get easier when you've lost your mother?
My mom always wanted to be a mom. All of her friends that have known her have said that. She accomplished that 5 times over. I am her oldest. She had 4 girls and 1 boy. He is in the middle of all of us girls. My mother was only 51 when she died.
My mom got sick in 2004. It wasnt something we could figure out what was going on, she thought it could've been the flu or something. she had body aches, fever, chills etc. I went to michigan in june 2004 to visit and bring E and she would come home and sleep and just not generally feeling well. I was there 2 weeks and she wouldnt go to the dr till the day i left. They thought it could have been just a bad flu and that she was dehydrated. So they gave her an iv fluids and kept her for a few hours and then sent her home. Not to long after i left my brother who is in the army came to visit. He was home for a few weeks. One day my brother was out and my step dad at work when my mom wasnt feeling well yet again. She decided to get in the car and drive herself to the ER. The minute she arrived she had a Grand Mal seizure, which she had no history of. It took 10 people to hold her down to keep her from hurting herself. By the time my brother and step dad got there they told them if she would have had the seizure while she was driving she would have gotten in an accident and died. They kept her for a few days and began running tests. She started having numbing and tingling in her hands feet arms and legs. They thought she had west nile virus, encephalitis, and meningitis all at the same time. They put her on a battery of meds and kept an eye on her. This went on for a while. They started doing some procedure that she would go in and they would run lines one taking blood out of her running it thru something to clean it etc and put it back in. It was working for awhile,but then it was failing too. She couldnt barely walk sometimes so she had a cart that she would drive it around, it was kind of like a motorized wheel chair but it was like a cart that you see at walmart. They drew her blood and sent it to the mayo clinic to test it for everything. I mean everything.It all came back negative. She was seeing tons of specialists but no one could figure it out. They just kept prescribing meds to help with the pain. Nothing was working or didnt work for long. She would have a gallon size ziploc bag of pain meds that she would take with her but they werent helping. Finally she found someone who thought they knew what was going on, and he was located at JOHNS HOPKINS Hospital. She was due to go there Oct 24,2005. They even had a plane to come and get her in case there were any issues.
Sadly she didnt make it. Oct 17, 2005 started like any day. My sister shannon lived close and brought my nephew james over to see my mom. He was the newest grandson and only 2 months old. My mom lived for her grandkids. It was shannons daily routine to go over bring the baby and just hang out with my mom , since she couldnt work while all this was going on. About 1/2 hr into shannon being there and my mom holding james she said " shannon take the baby something isnt right" No sooner than shannon took james and put him in his seat, my mother had another seizure. This time it was so severe that she stopped breathing. Shannon freaked out. Luckily we had two lines in the house, on one line she called 911 and on the other she called my moms best friend. 911 was instructing her on how to do cpr and my moms friend was rushing over she got their as the paramedics did. Shannon was able to get her back breathing. My mom was screaming about a pain in her stomach. Then she vomited blood( sorry for the goryness) She told them too move her to the kitchen floor as she didnt want blood on her new carpet. The finally got her stable and put her in the ambulence. On the way to the hospital she kept having seizures, they had no idea why but they werent as bad as the first two. In the hospital of course they had her in the ER and she got lucky to have an amazing doctor. He worked valiantly for my mom. He pushed iv meds, trying to stop the seizures. He put her in a medically induced coma to try and stop them. He did a battery of tests to see anything that would give him a clue. He knew all of the tests and meds she was on. They were waiting on an ultrasound on her stomach to find out what was causing the pain. All of a sudden her organs started failing. For no explainable reason. It stared with her kidneys. They still couldnt figure out why. My mother had high blood pressure and hers was extremely low that day, so low like something like 38/90 they couldnt figure it out. The dr couldnt figure out what was going on. He didnt know why her blood pressure was low and not going up to at least normal. He couldnt figure out why her organs would be shutting down. It wasnt looking good. My mother woke up at one point and said " Am i going to die?" The resounding answer was "NO" She was very puffy from all the iv fluids and the only people at the hospital were my stepdad my moms best friend and her husband. They wouldnt let the kids come. Then as quickly as all of this started that day it ended when my mother slipped away. No amount of begging or medical miracles were helping. None of her children got to say good bye. No last I LOVE YOU. No begging the dr to save her. No last kiss. No telling her of what she meant to us. It was so unexpected and shocking no one was prepared. Not all of us are in the same place. All of us were all over the country. I was living in washington state with my grandmother to take care of her. Two of my aunts lived there too. We had gotten a call when my mother was taken to the ER and we were getting periodic updates. My moms other siblings werent there either one in california one in texas. So as we were getting updates we were passing it on to them. I went to bed at 11 pm that nite and took the phone to bed with me. My grandma couldnt hear very well in one ear so she had went to bed earlier, i know worried about my mom. None of us really thought it was to severe. she had had some seizures before when she first got sick. We hadnt gotten any updates from my moms friend since like 8-9pm
we just figured that things were stable, but i had that 6th sense type thing i felt like i knew they were going to call us and tell us the had been too long between calls. And finally at 2 am they called and told us. My mom had passed away between 1-3 am east coast time, and besides them trying to deal with it, they had all of my stepdads family to notify then they had to break the news to HER 5 KIDS. For my brother who is in the army, they called and told him but to make it official they had to send a red cross emergency message. For thats the way his command would be officially notified. For my youngest sister shannon my moms best friend went to her house and told her. For my sister Ali they called and told her, for my sister Karen they sent my stepdads sister and husband to go to her college and get her and tell her. she had no idea what was going on etc. And for us well, we got the call, I answered and my moms friend margo was on the phone, and said "hi honey is nanny there? i said yes shes sleeping, she said well can you go get her , so i proceeded to walk downstairs and back to her room and the door was open and the light was on and she was sitting there( my grandma was a diabetic with a partial amputee and got around by wheel chair) and i was like what are you doing up, she said she went to sleep but really couldnt sleep so she had been up reading, i said well margo is on the phone she wants to talk to you, she said ok. Im standing there handing her the phone and i hear margo say "we lost her, we lost phyllis" my grandmothers answer" oh really? what the heck happened? it was like she didnt believe it or she was in shock. Here she was hearing that her 51 year old child was gone and her still here at 76 with not so many health issues, saying it was unfair. I could then hear margo say let me tell christa. I get on the phone and i say whats the update what are they saying. She then says, the update is that we lost her, your mom died sweetie. I was like no your joking right? this isnt real you are lying, then in the background i could hear shannon screaming and sobbing. Margo then proceeded to tell me that numerous people were on their way to telling the others. i couldnt believe it. She said she would call back in a bit. Then my grandma told me i had to tell my aunts uncles and dad. The first call i made was to the aunt that lived behind us. I could have walked over but i called, the first few times no answer, then finally my uncle doug answered and i said is carol there and he knew it was bad, when he woke her up for the phone she punched him and knew it could only be bad..she yelled that it wasnt right and threw the phone and i could see them coming thru the yard. Next was my aunt kathy, she lived about 7 miles away and i called her next, my uncle charlie answered and woke her up and she ended up hitting him to get to the phone and she said she was calling into work and coming over, she was calling my cousins. I called my uncles next who were just as shocked. Then i called my dad. he was sobbing on the phone, he had been called by the others and was heartbroken. We then proceeded to make the arrangements to get to michigan. We left the morning of the 18th and all of us trekked there, me, E, both aunts uncles, one cousin, all to my mothers house. it was so surreal. We had her funeral that week and there was so many people that came and so many flowers. my mom was well known not only because of being a bus driver, but we had lived in the same place since 1982 and people knew us. 5 kids mom who worked for the district, she had kids in choir,drama, football, soft ball and a cheerleader. She is greatly missed not only by her kids and family and friends but by everyone who knew her. Since her death there has been a few weddings, 6 new grandkids. we all hate to know what shes missing and wishing she was here everyday. It shouldnt have happened. SO if there is anything you can get from this let it be that always say i love you, you never know what will happen.
PHYLLIS DIANE SOUDEN, 2-18-54 TO 10-17-05

Friday, October 8, 2010


Hi Everyone~
This post is about that boy above. For this is about celebrating him and his life. And my undying,unrelenting love for him.
16 years ago on October 9, 1994 @ 914 pm my life changed forever. My life actually began. I was only 18 but it was something i had wanted forever. When i was younger and people asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was always the same " A MOM". On that day my dream came true. I was blessed to have such a perfect boy brought into my life. The 9 months waiting for him seemed to take forever, but when that day finally came i couldnt wait.
I wanted to find out what i was having but at the ultrasound he had his legs crossed so it was going to be a surprise. I was so excited that day to finally find out. It started out normal you could say. I had went to the dr on my due date and he said everything was great and we would schedule an appt for next week but hopefully i wouldnt make it. Saturday seemed normal nothing out of the ordinary, no contractions so to speak. Pretty much spent the time hanging out with my siblings. I went to bed like normal and was so cozy in my bed. I lived in michigan at the time and it was October and it can get cold there at this time of the year. I remember laying there in my sleep thinking/dreaming i have to go pee, but i dont want to get up its going to be so cold( you know how warm you get when you are cocooned in your blankets). So finally i couldnt hold it anymore and got up and went to the bathroom, i didnt notice anything unusual, so i went back to bed and discovered a GIANT WET SPOT!!! I thought to myself...OMG DID I JUST PEE THE BED without realizing it? So i proceeded to change the lower half of my body and went and knocked on my parents bedroom door, after all it was early between 6-7am on a Sunday. I kept on knocking getting louder with each knock, and somehow didnt wake up the rest of my siblings. Finally my mom answered and was like "WHAT?" I said to her either i peed the bed or something is going on. She said "what do you mean you peed the bed or something is going on?" This from a woman who never had natural childbirth, she had 5 C-sections so she never experienced this. So i told her i was sleeping and knowing i had to go pee, i got up and went but maybe i had an accident. So she follows me into my room ( GROSS ALERT) pulls back the blankets and smells the bed! She says " Its not pee, I think your water broke!" I was like no way mom,im not feeling anything, but i could still feel a trickle, but as most pregnant people know you can sneeze and have problems. So she leaves my room and proceeds to go wake up my step dad and tell him whats going on.She says" you can go back to bed if you want" so i try and lay down but realize im not going to sleep anymore. I get up go down stairs and soon the parental units are there too. My step dad says we should probably call the hospital to find out what we do. My mother calls L&D and they said that usually with the first baby it takes awhile so i had time, but we could come in any time. Finally all the other kids are waking up and coming down, to the news that today is the day that the baby is coming!
All of them were so excited. My stepdad proceeds to make a huge breakfast,for everyone, but i couldnt eat because they told my mom on the phone that i couldnt eat just in case i had to have anesthisa. LAME i was so hungry. He made pancakes, waffles,bacon and sausage. Pure torture !
Finally we start calling everyone and telling them my water broke. The other grandparents, my real dad, my moms best friends, my nanny. I go upstairs and proceed to try and pack what i think i will need since i really have no clue. I try to pack a neutral outfit for the baby since i didnt know what it was going to be or how big even. Finally we head to the hospital, i get checked in and get room and get checked and i was at 3. At first i was able to walk around and saw that the entire family waiting room was filled with everyone waiting to meet my baby. Finally i was back to bed and couldnt walk around anymore because as the contractions got stronger the baby couldnt tolerate it, so they had me be still to see if it helped. We knew it was getting close, my mom and stepdad had stayed in the room with me the entire time. My stepdad was taping it but the dr made him turn it off in case there was any complications. so you see me in labor then you hear him say" we'll be right back". Finally it was time, after being in labor for 14 1/2 hrs it was time to have the baby. I pushed for what seemed like an eternity but really was only 20 min. I remember my mom being absolutely fascinated by all of it since she never experienced it and was put to sleep each time but the last. I remember when his head was coming out i thought holy cow this hurts. Me who thinks she cant handle pain but apparently that isnt true because i had no drugs with any of my kids till M( the only reason with him is because i had contractions right on top of each other , little did we know that i was already dialated to a 10! bad nurses!)My mom was watching and said it has dark hair...then he was out a bit more and his eyes were open and he was looking right at my mom. She was toast, from that minute on this boy held her heart. Finally he was all the way out and they yell ...." ITS A BOY" i was in a haze... i was like what? what is it? mom what is it ? is it ok? she said its a boy a boy a boy! she said hes fine, hes beautiful, wait till you see. They wrapped him up and handed him to her and she brought him to me. I will never forget looking at my mom and the look on her face holding her very first grandchild. I will never forget seeing him for the first time, or him being placed in my arms. He weighed in at 7 lbs 6 ozs and was born 10-9-94 @914pm. and he was 19 1/2 inches long.
I cant believe that he is 16! Time has definitely flown by. i love this boy more than anything. And he was devestated when my mother died. Hes always been the apple of her eye, and when she died he said if he would have taken care of her maybe she would still be here. It was and is still heartbreaking.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Hard Knocks..

Hi Everyone~

Sorry for the lapse in posts, but life has dealt us some hard knocks lately. We are trying to deal with those, so other things are falling to the way side. We are trying to deal with some major medical issues with M who is 4. We are getting calls about specialists etc so im constantly on the phone. We are also trying to just deal with normal every day issues. Homework, dishes, laundry, etc.

This is one of the hardest months for me, because my mother died this we have the anniversary of her death.

The best part of this month is that its the month that my oldest son was born! He will be 16 this year so i will have a post dedicated to him!

AND this month is HALLOWEEN!! wahoo i love halloween! i dont know what the kids are going to be yet but we have a few to figure it out. Sorry this is short but i have to run some errands and do somethings before M comes home from preschool.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Unexpected happenings...


So this weekend was a bit unorthodox. The hubs was going to nh to help his friends with some projects and left after work on friday. He is due home sunday(today). Friday seemed to go ok but then out of nowhere M got a fever of 104. The hubs was already in nh and so he just kept texting to see how the situation was going. Friday was a long day, i always cant sleep when something is going on..and the hubs and i both have a hard time sleeping when we are apart. I got up friday at 5 am for no reason, i knew he was leaving that day so maybe thats what was on my mind. Saturday i was up again before 7 due partially to the hubs texting seeing how things were going and then also because M was awake and wasnt feeling well again. I proceeded to work on somethings in our room( straightneng some things ) we dont have any storage of any sort here so its basically trying to find a place for it. I did dishes of course and started some laundry. E seemed to be somewhat listless so i took his temp and he had one of 101. So now i had both kids not feeling well. We mostly watched movies on the movie channels and then watched some on demand. It was really hot here yesterday so i was trying to keep them quiet,calm and cool since they both were running temps. Today i got up early again ( thank goodness the hubs will be home tonite!) and ive done the dishes( there werent much since i havent had to cook much since hes been gone this weekend and the kids are sick) ive continued cleaning and straightnening stuff, cleaned the cat box and also taken the garbage out, given M a bath and put things away in the storage box with all the important files.By the time the hubs gets home i plan on having the kids in bed..he is expected around 8pm or a bit after. Im making lasagna tonite for dinner and having it calm and quiet when he returns so it doesnt seem stressful.

I havent blogged about it much but ever since we moved started in march or april, the hubs has been experiencing panic/anxiety attacks. He went on meds but we found out after a few months on those certain ones they werent working and he was switched. We had some things come up unexpecting in april that just set us back when we seemed to be chugging right along here.But then the set backs happened and then my hours at work got cut back, we had company this summer and then my husband decided to have me quit my job since it wasnt worth the one day a week. I mean i only had 12 hrs in the month of june. So for about a month and a half ive been unemployed which is adding to the stress of things. Its not easy for the hubs. I stay home with the kids and have to take the hit work wise with the kids if they are sick etc, becuase his job is more important. He says i dont contribute to the family financially which to him is bigger than the mom/wife house things i do. It really has me scared about our marriage. I am doing what i can and have been on a few interviews, but he doesnt want me to take the job if it doesnt pay enough etc. I just want a job so it takes the stress off of him financially and we can begin to repair what problems have plagued us. IT has me severely depressed and crying. I love my husband so much, maybe more so than my kids, because in the end after they are grown and gone and have their own lives it will be me and him. But him having to do everything with the attacks takes a huge toll on him. Ive tried my best to make things calm and do what he asks that will help him, but it always doesnt work. We arent people who argue much. But we do more than we ever have. I stress about not finding a job that works for us, i stress about the kids behavior and it causing things for him. I stress about him not thinking im doing anything to find a job. I know he thinks that while hes at work but i am trying really hard. With M only going 3 half days a week to school doesnt leave me any time during the day to get something, so i have to work at nite so he can keep the kids. And as the old addage goes, the kids behave better for everyone else than they do for us. He says its unfair since he goes and does things like going to the shooting range to relieve his stress but i dont get to do anything. Well thats ok im used to it. Ive had a pretty hard life. I think my life only improved since ive been with him. I was married before and i dont think of it as a marriage but as a learning experience of what i didnt want. He was my high school sweetheart and he was fine in the beginning but he became a nightmare shortly after. He did what he wanted ( yes that includes cheating) and was even worse after our daughter died. we got divorced in 2002 but he left long before that in 2001. I had been a single mom for a long time. I met my current husband in 2001 and we started off as friends but finally decided to take our relationship farther. He is an amazing man and i love him so so much. He never had these attacks till the spring and we moved to the east coast. and im hoping that soon things will change and when i get a job he will get some stress taken off of his shoulders. I dont ask or complain too much because it just adds to his stress, he says its unfair but i just think it has to be that way for awhile. I am very insecure because of my past and sometimes think the worst. Thats not always fair to him and i know that. But i couldnt imagine loosing him, and i fear if things dont start going better for us it may come to that, and i feel that could kill me. i dont think i can live with out him. And i cant go thru it again. Before when R's dad and i split up i clung to it but realized id be better off, this time i know it wont be true. Im not as strong as everyone thinks. I get hurt easily and hide it well. And when you have no one to turn too your mind just begins to wander.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

When life happens...

Hi Everyone~

I hope you are all well. We are now on the mend, all though the hubs seems to be still a bit sick. I cant believe we all got sick so early, but hey what can you do? The kids still have a bit of a runny nose and cough, and my nose is still stuffy, but we are far better now than we were last week. Things have been busy other wise, besides being sick. Ive been on a few job interviews and will have a second for the job i really want some time next week. Im totally excited for it and hope i get the job. I will be back to working at nite since thats the only thing that works for us until M gets into school full time. which if he does ok in preschool would be next year for kindergarten.

On the school front E has adjusted nicely to 2nd grade and likes school. He still struggles with reading but is getting much better. On Sept.8 I took M to get screened for preschool. Here they have preschool within the school district that is offered, but because its fairly new and a small program the child has to get screened and they have to basically approve him to be in it..since there is such limited space. The screening went well and we had to wait till today to get a meeting to discuss the screening and if he would get placed. He got a spot! Im so excited for this, and he is beyond excited! He comes every morning out with us when we take E to the bus and is upset because he hasnt been able to go to school. Now he can. He will be going 3x a week in the morning. He will be starting next week, as to give them time to get all the paperwork done. Ive never known a child at 4 years old want to go to school and be so excited about it!

In other news, its already begining to look like fall here in new england. The leaves are already starting to change and its been cool weather. Its mostly been in the 60's but today it got to 80. Its like the freak day. Ive already been able to make homemade chicken soup, and homemade chili and corn bread. We also went last sunday apple picking! We had a good time. I cant wait till we can go on a hayride and get pumpkins!I love that we can now wear cozy sweats in the evening and have the windows open and have a nice breeze. We can go on leisurely walks and not get super hot!

Also i have lost 23 lbs in about one month! Im so super excited about this, since with M i didnt seem to loose the baby weight. With the other boys i never was on birth control of any kind and with M i went on something immidiately so i didnt get the full advantages of breastfeeding. I think it lowered my milk production. So i was on something till about sept 08 and then went off so we could start trying for another, but have had to go back on and off to try and regulate me since my body had never been on something. So when i stopped it i never could get a regular period. But these 23 lbs have fallen off. Im really not doing much different. Im drinking more water( almost with everything) since we have a water cooler and get water delivery. I drink milk occasionally, and a soda if we go out to eat but thats it its mostly water. I drink one cup of coffee a day and am eating smaller portions. I hope it comes off quick so i can get down close to what i weighed before i had M. I can already see a difference. I havent been doing to much excercise since im limited with the back injury i have. My clothes ( at least my pants and undergarments are loose)so im really excited!

And inquiring minds at Pieces of the Pepins want to know : what are some of your fall traditions? What are your favorite things about fall? What are some of your favorite fall reciepes?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

sorry for the absence

Hi Everyone~

sorry for the absence but we have been busy here trying to catch up on stuff and then we have all started to get sick, it started with one kid and moved to the second and me and the hubs sounds a bit stuffy now too, so when i feel better i will post with whats been goin on! and it also feels like fall here its been cool, we've taken out the ac's because its so cool. that could have attributed to the not feeling so great!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Wedding Weekend and other adventures!


Hope you all had an amazing long holiday weekend! We had a busy week last week, with school starting and then gearing up for the wedding this past weekend. School started tuesday! E is officially a 2nd grader! Things got off without a hitch. M is a little bit becuase he wasnt going but we hope to get him into preschool fairly soon.

The hubs was off on friday since we had to head up to New Hampshire for the wedding. Friday nite was the rehersal but we left early in the morning to help with set up of the hall and then we had to drop the kids off to grandma that afternoon. The hall set up went with out any trouble, except that we were roasting was a tad warm that day. The manager that was working with Sara and Dave wasnt going to turn the ac on till about an hr before the rehersal. Rehersal went off without a hitch! Then we headed back to Dave's moms house for a bbq..the food was scrumptious! Then the ladies headed out to Sara's sisters and the boys stayed at Dave's moms. The girls didnt sleep to well but the boys had no trouble go figure! Us girls got up early saturday, one went to pick up the flowers, and the rest of us headed to finish up at the reception hall. From there we had to leave and have hair appts at 12. That didnt take to long we were all out by 3, then headed back to Pats Peak were the wedding and reception were being held. We just had to hang out till about 430-5 and then start getting ready. The awsome thing was that another wedding was taking place the same day,except they were taking he ski lifts to the top and getting married, im sure they had a great view! When it came down to the wedding we only had one glitch! The Glitch was that as we lined up to walk out, the power went out! OMG we were freaking out. The music couldnt be played ..nothing. The other wedding ended up being evacuated out of the other lodge and ended up watching our ceremony and cheered at the end it was amazing of them to do! Of course with the power going out it delayed the music and cocktails and hour derv hour with them scrambling around to find a generator. The other wedding party ended up coming over to invite us to come join their party since their dj was able to move his truck onto the grass and they were all dancing outside and into their reception. We were able to get pics and finally the generators came and we plugged them in and were able to move a bit forward. Then miraculously the power came on! Right in time for dinner ! So all in all we didnt really have to many issues and no one really noticed. Everyone had a great time! We ended up staying the rest of the weekend and came home monday evening. It was a long but fun weekend, but it also would have been nice to come home to our own bed since Dave's mom gave up her bed to us for the weekend. Now we are back into our regular routine.

Fall is defintely in the air. The leaves are beginning to change in New England. You can feel the crispness. I cant wait to decorate for fall, halloween and thanksgiving! I love fall, cozy sweaters, boots!

well im off for now, i have laundry to do from the weekend and other house chores.Have a great Tuesday everyone!

ps i will post first day pics later on since i dont have the camera with me!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Monday monday ....

Hi Everyone~

I hope you all had a great weekend. We had a busy but nice one. Saturday we went and ran some errands, we went to the jewelry store , to find out about some things with my ring, we went to the tux place for the hubs to try on his tux before the wedding this weekend ( omg he looked so hot!!) . We hunted around for a farmers market but sadly we didnt find anything but people that put up a tent in a parking lot with very few fresh fruits and veggies. Then we stopped by Mickey D's for a quick lunch and went to the park close to our house and the boys all went fishing and i laid on a blanket in the grass reading. It was a nice saturday. Sunday we slept in and then ate breakfast and decided to drive to Bass Pro to check it out ( we had been there once ). The hubs is going hunting in Nov, so he wanted to check some stuff out and its huge and the kids love it. There is an aquarium with huge fish in it, interactive shooting games, furniture,gifts, clothes and all the other gear you would need for an outdoor adventure. After we headed home from there we went to Wal-Mart and picked up some stuff and came home. It was a scorcher yesterday ! We have been working on getting the kids, especially E back into the routine of early bedtime as school is going to be upon us shortly you may wonder..well TOMORROW!!! Yipee!

I know it sounds bad but still, it will be good for him to go back to the structure of school and homework and having that routine.When schools in session it will be me and M at home till i find another job and he goes to school or daycare. I cant wait. The hubs and i have been going with the early bedtime for about a week, and they dont put up to much of a fight. It is nice to have the quiet and either catch up on some of the stuff on the dvr or watch a movie. pretty soon we will have the pattern of homework, dinner, baths and bed. We will have alot of family time on the weekends unless the hubs has to work.

I recently just went and got a library card for myself. I have to say even though this library is on the small side i am able to find a lot of new books and alot of stuff i like to read. I cant say that for the library in wa. It took them forever to get new stuff and when they did it took forever to get your hands on it.I can also use this card at other libraries so its a win win! The first time i went i got 4 books for myself and one for each child and quickly read all of my books. When i took them back i got 7 books for myself. Ive already read 3 and am almost thru the 4th. Im going to take them back tonite and then renew the others that i have since they are due back the 7th.

We also got some great news this weekend which is easing some of our money issues. Im also still activly looking for something so that also will bring in extra. Things may be on the up swing for us but i dont want to jinx it so i wont say to much about it. Hope this finds everyone great and I will definitely blog tomorrow about the first day of 2nd grade!!! have a great monday!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Rainy days

Hi !

Hope this finds everyone's week going ok. Here on the east coast we have been getting some much needed rain. So far its been raining since sunday! And i'm not complaining. i enjoy the rain and we need it ! According to the weather guy he says its been the dryest summer here in a long while. We sure have had some crazy weather here. It was 70's and 80's in march and april and then back to 70's in may and then in june it just was mid 70's and 80's , then towards the end of june we got record heat, jumping quickly to the high 90's. When my sister was here we were over 100 degrees every single day. We had no break from the 100 degree weather and add in the humidity it was killer! At the end of july we got a nice weekend of mid 70's with no humidity and it actually felt cold, but it was nice. So far in august we havent had to many overly warm days. Yes we have had high 80's but most of it has been without humidity so its been nice. We can turn the air conditioners off and open the windows and get nice breezes through the house.

We moved here in november and we were worried that we would encounter snow etc on our travels. We did see some snow in mountain passes and both the hubs and i grew up on this side of the country. He in new hampshire and myself in michigan. We both know that sometimes you can get snow as early as october( dont nay say peeps i remember when i was younger that we had snow on halloween once!) But we got here and it was around 60's and no snow so we were stoked! We had a mild winter we had snow but not the snow like they have had in the past. All of the fam has said we got lucky, but i dont know about that, we came to visit christmas 2008 and we came prepared for tons of snow and brought all the neccessary items to play in it and got none! I was bummed i really wanted a white christmas!! On the day that we went to explore boston it was 70 fricken degrees in DECEMBER!!!

So in saying all this and experiencing this weird weather i wonder what this upcoming fall and winter will hold for us. I love the fall and am looking forward to the leaves changing and the warm fuzzy sweaters and sweatshirts. Im looking for the nites where we just lock ourselves in and snuggle. The nites of apple cider or hot cocoa. I know it sounds crazy but i cant wait. I cant wait because its starts off the holidays with halloween ( whoever says its not a holiday is soo wrong!) then turkey day and black friday and then of course christmas and new years! i cant wait for fall to turn into winter and to get that first snow! and if it melts away to get more snows ! i think it makes it so pretty outside! The only thing i hate is when there are snow days during the year because they usually have to be made up in june :(
I know we live in snow country, but still last year we were out the few days before christmas break was to start and therefore the kids didnt get out till june 21. thats just dumb to get out so late, i think the teachers should have said that they would give up some of their planning days ( the kids usually dont go on those days) to make up for some of the days missed.

Im still job hunting since the job in the school district didnt work out. id like something compatible to the kids schedule since im the one that has to miss when they are sick etc. A school job would be awsome since you would be off the same as them. Im pretty bummed that it didnt work out. I emailed her after the interview to ask some questions that i forgot then and got no response, and i also emailed to thank her for the interview and the opportunity and she has still never responded , i know she may be busy but she has emailed me before at 9 and 10 pm. Oh well.We cant go long with me not having a job since it seems lately everyone is planning crap around when our bills are due. they and food shopping are the most important.

But a friend of ours planned a wedding right at the beginning of sept. right when rent is due and then car payments. the sucky thing about it being right then is that we are both in the wedding and we have to pay 150$ to rent a tux..really 150$ for something you wear for a few pissed.Thank god she didnt want the girls to buy a dress she wanted to see what kind of nice dresses everyone had and luckliy i had bought one for another formal occasion that you could wear in or too a wedding! But not only with the cost of bills and the tux we have to pay for gas to get there and we have to bribe the hubs mother to watch the kids!! First off no one would watch them, and hey we never really ask. So we were going to keep them friday for the rehersal etc. Then we just needed his mother to watch them saturday for the wedding. She was going to take them to a demo derby if we paid for it, we were like fine it was like 15$. Then shes now changed it to she wants to go camping so she will take them both days, but she wants us to pay for 1 day of camping and their food. Get this though, she takes his sisters kid all the time during the week and almost every weekend and she never requires her to pay for anything, so why our our kids different. The hubs is pissed because on top of never asking his parents for anything except every once in awhile we are required to pay his mother to take the kids and then his sister never does. And no one even called or sent a card for M's birthday so hes equally pissed about that. I mean part of the reason we got the job transfer here was to be closer to family. so the kids would have their grandparents, we could go to family functions etc but never imagined this at all. so we are a bit shell shocked. I mean do they not get that right now we have limited income and limited resources? hmmm makes you wonder!

Monday, August 23, 2010

A birthday boy!!!

Happy monday everyone!

Today is a happy day, and sad just the same. Today is M's 4th birthday! i cant believe how fast its gone by! 4 years ago we headed into the hospital to have the little bean. Ever since michaela died they have considered me high risk ( since there was no known cause of death) even if my pregnancy is completely normal. So we chose the day we wanted to have him they called us to say "come on in" (even tho it was scheduled we could get bumped if there were tons of people who went into labor or etc) we headed in after dropping E off and had nervous butterflies! We got to the hospital and they checked us in, got us our room and banded us. the dr came in checked me out and i was dialated to a 3. She said she was going to let me walk around and would be back to check. by 12 she had put in some meds to make me dialate since i seemed to have stalled. To me who has had all natural childbirths with no epidurals etc, it seemed that the contractions were not receding at all. it just seemed they were right ontopofeachother! Seriously there was no relief. There had been a shift change and i hardly ever saw my previous nurse, and with the shift change i had the best nurse ever her name was karen. she was awsome she could see that they were just coming and coming and not stopping. She asked when was the last time i was was like 430. Karen said lets try and go potty and see if that helps. so i go to do what she asks me but i could barely pee people, there was so much pressure it was unreal, i told her that and she was like lets check it out. um hey i was at a 10 and his head was right there...OMG OMG...they call the dr over stat and it wasnt long and here he was. We had bets on how much he would weigh. brian said over 9 lbs the dr said 7.5 lbs i was like 6 maybe. I won M came out at a whopping 5 lbs and 20 inches. He was so tiny. He was a preemie in size but not age, he was only 7 days early. Now hes 4! oh i cant believe how fast hes grown and how fast we got to age 4! He looks the most like me and he has the most beautiful blue eyes!

so i am here to scream from the rooftops HAPPY BIRTHDAY M WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!!

Friday, August 20, 2010


Hi there All!

I realize i didnt write last week, as i had planned but somethings came up and it kind of took the wind out of my sails. As you know, or may not know i have a daughter that died at birth. I wrote this about her
When she passed the hospital gave us a memory box. In it is all of the braclets we both had, the blankets, hats etc that they used or had for her. Its been at my moms in michigan because when i got divorced i moved back there and everything i had was there. After my mom passed we couldnt find it at all. I was paranoid. The only memories of my baby girl were gone. Well my mom sneaky as she could be had put it away where it wouldnt get tossed or misplaced. it was in her closet.Thank heavens.Its all i had besides the things in my head and the flashbacks ( trust me i can see every second of that day in my head!) So not long ago my siblings had come upon it and sent it my way. Ever since then i put it in a box in my room as it doesnt get misplaced. It includes not only the things listed above but they took her hand and foot prints, her measurements and we also clipped some of her curly black hair..she had tons you couldnt even tell we did it. I have some pics of her gravesite at the cemetary. Being 21 when i lost her i couldnt afford a headstone, and knew i wouldnt be able to any time in the near future so my mother built a flower box and planted mums in it and then had an angel statue in the center. she also got one of those yard stakes ( the kind you can hang flags or bird feeders from) and found a wind chime that had angels and thats how we marked her spot. i was grateful to her for going there and doing this but she really couldnt understand what i was going thru as she had never lost a child. Well some of you may find this creepy but at the time of michaela's birth the hospital has a group of people that help you when you loose a child. They came in and were with us after she was born. Stayed with us as we held her and tried our hardest to say our goodbyes to this precious girl that we had waited for for 9 months. My dad was in the same state at the time and came as soon as i called and it was very hard for him to see and deal with. After all i was his baby and i was having to say goodbye to my baby. Well you know how you get hospital photos. They do take them even if they child has passed. SHe just looks like she is sleeping. I also had a girlfriend who came up to the hospital and took private photos for us, as she knew what i was experienceing as she had a daughter pass away at 7 months.

I havent seen the pics in years. As i have stated the first 5 years were a killer for me and then it got slowly easier. This year was tough as she would be 13 and no doubt have "bieber fever" ( trust me i would have loved it!!) Well the only ones who had seen the photos besides me, and my mom was my grandmother ..she too had lost a child. Well my grandmother died 1 year and 8 days after my mom. My aunts were the ones in charge of boxing up all of my grandma's things and clearing the hosue etc. Well my aunt is moving and is going thru stuff and had found a box that was my grandmother's things that she has put off going thru. In this box was birth and death certificates( her and my mother did geneology of my grandfathers family so they did have a lot of records) and baby books etc.

Well in this box was an envelope and my aunt who had lost a baby to placenta previa and never saw her baby thought they were pics of him and they werent they were the pics of michaela. The one hospital photo, the pics of her being weighed. me holding her. Again they were never meant for every one. At her funeral we had an open casket but she wasnt yucky too look at she just looked like a baby sleeping. she wasnt purple ,blue or any other color she just looked pink and like she was asleep. My mother wouldnt have done that too me or my siblings as they would have been traumatized forever. SO after looking at them and being traumatized she messages me on facebook and tells me she found them and needed my address to send them. I apologized to her for traumatizing her but explained they were never for everyone. She told me i had to promise not to meltdown when i got them, thats not what she wanted to happen.

Well i got them last tuesday. I ripped the envelope open and stood there and looked, hiding them from brian, as he doesnt really understand it, and the one pic i did have here said he was bothered looking at it. I have to say i did get a little teary at first sight. I came into my room got her memory box out and looked over everything and then placed her pics inside so they wouldnt be lost. Then that nite, really not knowing why i went into my room and took the box out again and looked at everything. touching and holding everything she touched. all the while looking at her pictures. It was like i was torturing myself, why because when i saw her again i truly missed her like it had just happened all over again. Loosing a child is never easy. i called my sister and was sobbing and she said nothing against me but maybe i shouldnt have them because look what it does to me. But she knew its all ill ever have of her. I've had to make my self not go back and keep looking at them. i just had the meltdown tuesday and havent looked again, but it does take some recovery time. I would never want someone i know to experience a loss like that its heart wrenching and devestating. And anything can bring that pain back to the surface i have realized.

In other news i went for an interview for the job in the school district. It went well but as i havent heard and school starts tuesday there i dont think i got it. Oh well back to the drawing board! We toured a preschool and it was great and where we would want M to go if i get a day job or school job. Speaking of M its almost his birthday! He will be 4!!!! OMG.

well thats all for today folks! Have a great monday!

Friday, August 13, 2010

OMG! Time flies when your having fun!

Happy Friday ..wait its FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!

I cant believe it! sometimes im superstitious but im laying low today so as to not drum up anything unwanted!

As the post say time flies when your having fun! we have had a great summer and celebrated our anniversary and now its onto M's 4th birthday! and ive finally submitted everything for the "new " job im hoping to get. Its a secratarial position but its 25 hrs and it works with the kids schedules and leaves the evenings open for dinners bath homework family time, and also for the hubs to take overtime if offered with out having to worry about getting a sitter.

We are looking to get M into a preschool thats full time, there is one down the street but its 160$ per week, you have to put a week down as a deposit but then they want you to pay for the month in advance within two weeks. Really? REALLY?!!! who has that kind of money lying around. yes they are on the same schedule as the district so all the days off vacations etc that the older kids have he would have. Which would be awsome, since i would be working for a school and they would be in school its the perfect job for a mom since you would have the same days/vacations/snow days off! But 680$ is a bit spendy for preschool for all day. There is another preschool and its at a daycare center and its 170$ and we can pay by the week. i am hoping to make a bit more money than i was making at my part time job that i barely got 12 hrs the month of june at but heres to hoping!

We would like to be able to save some money. we were doing fine once we moved here affording rent and car payments and food and stuff, and to go out and then we had some glitches in early spring..april- may that set us back and we havent really recovered. and then we had summer guests so we havent been able to sock away money. with this new job im hoping we will. we would like to buy a house. we have a pre-approval already and we just havent found the right thing, but with hopefully more money we can get a house and a newer car and be able to put money away, and maybe things will start looking up. the baby thing has never been completely ruled out but im going to be 35 in the fall so i dont want to hold off, sheesh if when this all was agreed to two years ago i would have been almost 32 and things would be fine id have had or been pregnant by now and this subject would be closed. so maybe if this job happens and we can pay for M's schooling and put money away we can get the things we want and pay our bills and still have a bit of spending money.

and to top it off E goes into second grade!i cant believe it! he starts school on the 31! i would have never known. we have yet to start a school year here. we came east once school had started so it was just the process of enrolling him and stuff. i find it weird that they dont send anything before hand saying this is your teacher and classroom and here are the supplies . apparently here they wait till the first day to tell them , i guess depending on the weather they either have them mill about out front and the teachers call them into their line or this all happens in the gym.i think thats a lame way to do it. Back in washington at least they had a day that you could go meet your teacher, tour your class and bring all your stuff in. i think it was much easier and took the edge off. So i guess we will see.

Even though im looking forward to school starting and the house being quiet and staying clean...if i get the job it may not happen the way i want. E gets on the bus about 750-755 am. Depending on where M goes he will have to be there about 815ish and then i would have to be to work about 9 am. I would work till 2. Again depending on where M goes he gets out around 230 and E gets home at 3. So it appears that i will be getting home right before they do and then its into the evening routine. it would be different if i was home all day but that wont happen. I just hope all the transitions work well.

I usually have to deal with everything as the hubs job is usually pretty busy and he cant miss. so unless things are planned in advance he misses everything, conferences, first days, school programs. its a shame but hes kind of the newbie around his job, even though hes been doing it for 4 years. his co was bought out by another and so even though he has time in service they all basically got set back to zero when this compnay purchased his old one. so to them hes only been doing it 2 years. And plus hes the newbie here in the shop since he got a job transfer. so hes taking the overtime going in on the weekends and doing nonsense work like mowing the grass etc. he has given up requested vacation days to go on road jobs . he takes all the road jobs they offer so they dont have a reason to lay him off. After we got here we had heard some of the guys he worked with in wa got laid off so the panic really set in but i dont think its an issue with him, hes a very hard worker. and he still hasnt taken those vacation days that he had to give up for work. hes taking some upcoming days off but thats for a wedding and he already has them off and then hes taking another day off possibly since we have an inspection on our apartment because our lease is up in october.

well be safe out there fellow bloggers it is friday the 13th! and im off !

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

the story of us

Today is my anniversary!

the hubs and i have been married 3 years but have been together since 2002. i love him more than words can say. i am trying to come up with a way to write a post about us and our story, it seems the blogs are being a bit wonky so i may have to publish at a later date. plus i want to celebrate us today and him most of all. so this is short..sorry!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Time is flying by...

Happy Monday !!!

Is it just me or is time flying by? Last i checked it was may and we were gearing up for our summer guests! Holy crap its now mid august and that means its almost M's 4th birthday and our anniversary and then school! wowza! i cant believe how fast everything has passed. I mean granted we have been busy but still. sheesh.

Tomorrow is the hubs and i anniversary. and i can say its been a crazy few years. Yes we have been married only 3 years but we have been together since 2002 ( dont hate peeps!) He wasnt around alot being in the army and protecting our freedom and all. I dont have any idea if we have anything planned or not being that its a tuesday and all but we may manage to go to dinner, granted we would have to take the kids since we dont have a sitter but sometimes thats the price you have to pay.

In other news im applying for a position in a school district, that will afford me to work while the kids are in school and be home right before they are and have the same vacations and snow days etc as them which will be awsome so we wont have to rely on a sitter and paying someone. and hopefully i will be making a bit more money which will be nice also

And on the 23 is M's 4th birthday. its gone by sooo stinkin fast :( i hate it. I remember exactly having him and also holding him for the first time. he was only 7 days early and he only weighed 5lbs. he was soo tiny. he still is little for his age. people ask if hes 2 going to be 3 and we say hes almost 4 and people cant believe it. they say he looks 2. Hes still on the tiny side. he weighs about 32 lbs but can fit in size 12-18-2t size shorts but he has to have a size 3 for pants for length.

im ready for another, my husband agreed to it 2 years ago but he says its harder since things are more expensive here and now that M is 4 why would i want to start over again. I just dont think he gets it. I would love to have a girl but am just fine with boys, they are pretty easy and i have tons of practice with 3 of them dont ya think?Part of me doesnt get how he can say arent you happy with the 3 you have, why do you need anymore. and then no sooner does he say it he points out a baby to me. I am usually the one that does all the baby things: feeding diapering etc so its not like he has to do much.

I dont really want to say ok we wont have anymore. i mean i can understand if i was 40 but im not and we have already discussed this and agreed, now i feel that hes taking back everything. Its not fair i dont think. I mean we havent really tried. I got off the bc but then my body could never regulate( UGGGGH!!!) and then i took meds to try and reset my body but yes i got a period but it never reset anything. so back in sept. before our move east i went on bc again and stopped after a month. it worked i had my own periods oct,nov dec and not jan..thought we were expecting but no. did blood work in feb and 2 days later had my period. then nothing again for months. Finally i go an ob here and she did some lab work everything is normal. and so she said i should probably do bc again for 6-9 months and stop and that usually regulates. so i hope everything works out and i can have my one last baby. a girl would be great. but i do love my boys . i just cant say the words ok we wont have anymore. i cant. part of my brain says ok just go with it, the other part says no just one more.

In upcoming events we have friends of ours that are getting married sept 4th and we are both in the wedding so that should be fun! it will be an adult nite so it will be a nite without kids which we dont have very much.

And then after that SCHOOL!! Yippee. Im ready for a clean house and routine and quiet nites.

and also can i say i cant wait to see CHARLIE ST.CLOUD. omg, it looks sooo good. I bought the book the other day and have yet to crack it open but dang i cant wait to see and it! and have ya'all seen Zac Efron. omg hello.

all right off for now ! have a great monday!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A small miracle...a miracle non the less

Hi Everyone!!

Hope this finds you well! Lets get right to it! well the other day i wrote about M being a picky eater. Which he is. Luckily when we were camping there was enough around that he would eat and we brought some stuff in case he wouldnt. Hes a good eater for the most part but im getting tired of making two meals mostly at dinner, or packing something for him if we go to a family get together. As i stated he likes pasta, grilled cheese,fruit,veggies,chicken nuggets,pizza,mac and cheese,pbj. he drinks mostly milk and water (but doesnt fill up on milk) and oatmeal and likes oj but not to many other juices. Well the other nite i made salisbury steak, stuffing and corn for dinner. i cut up about 1/4 of a piece of steak and put it on his plate and ladeled some gravy on top of it. he was having none of it he started throwing a fit saying he didnt like it and he didnt want that. While everyone else is sitting there eating without an issue. The hubs got up and said how do you know you dont like it , you havent tried it. finally he got his sticker book out and told him if he ate two pieces of it he could choose a sticker in it. HE ATE 2 PIECES!!!! we were amazed.Then we went back to eating and just told him to eat everything else and he finished his meat on his own and some of the corn!!!! i was beyond thrilled that he ate it hoping we were on our way back to just making one meal at dinner time, because usually he eats fine at breakfast and lunch. But then part of my brain was thinking, if the only way we are going to get him to eat is bribe him, how long will we have to do that since we were using that to potty train him. we have that pretty much down pat except for getting him out of diapers at nap and bedtime and also going in public places. ANY IDEAS? on either the eating or the rest of the potty training? HELP!!!

in other news i quit my job! due to no hours ( 12 hrs for the whole month of june) and they forced me to do training i didnt want and im still just cashiering without utilizing the training. it isnt worth it for me to drive 45 min for one day a week just to make enough money for a tank of gas. This is my last week.I have been actively looking for something else. something in the school district so i can work why the kids are in school and have the same breaks and vacays etc. i have also been looking for something else that is evening related so we wont have to pay a sitter and just pocket the whole check. So far only a few leads but im hoping to find something soon that im making a bit more than i was at my almost old job. Wish me luck friends!

Well im off for now but send me the ideas for picky eating and potty training your recipes and also book suggestions, i look forward to getting all of them

Monday, August 2, 2010

August already?

Happy Monday Everyone~

i cant believe its august already!!! Can you? it seems like the summer has flown by! i can see that happening for us because we have been busy with guests and work and have rarely had down time but it just seems like last week it was may and we were gearing up for the crazy summer!

This month is also very busy for us. We have our anniversary this month and M's 4th birthday and of course that means its almost school time!!!!Yipee! Dont get me wrong i love that the kids are home etc but i also long for the time they are in school to be able to clean the house and not have a mess made where i just cleaned.

We went camping saturday and it was pretty fun! the place where we camped has theme weekends and this weekend was "Cowboys" the boys had a great time they had activities like " gold rush, Cowboy contests,candy bar bingo,money swim, tshirt making etc and a dance on saturday nite. It was pretty fun both E and M got 16 pieces of "gold" in the gold rush. they did the cowboy contest which was obstacle course,bull whip, bow and arrow and indian leg wrestling. the money swim was pretty fun, they throw a bunch of quarters into the bottom of the pool and split you up by age group and then you go in and get as much as possible. E really liked it. we also won at candy bar bingo all the kids for their age have never really played it.We went to the dance and it was pretty fun but maybe stayed like an hr because it had been a long day. The place where we camped is an RV resort so it had tons of things , each weekend is themed, so not only those activities that are planned they also have mini golf, bike/skate park, water slides and a beach, a pizza/ice cream parlor , arcade,and huge play ground. they have canoe & boat rentals and also golf cart rentals. It was soo awsome. we had a golf cart for use and the site was really wooded, so yes you had neighbors but it still wasnt like you had neighbors. And you can get a wrist band for the waterslides and pay 10$ for the whole day till 7pm. Quiet time is at 11pm so that makes it nice that yes you can stay at your site and sit around the fire but the rowdiness is gone by 11 so everyone who is winding down can get to sleep. We had a good time.The only thing we figured out about camping is M has trouble sleeping other places besides home. In hotels hes ok but we usually stay really busy so hes pretty tired, which happened while camping, we got them up at about 630am on saturday to head up and stayed busy till about 1030pm. He fell asleep fine he just woke up about 3am and realized he wasnt at home and we had a killer time getting him back to sleep. The hubs and i were having a hard enough time sleeping on the ground even tho we brought a bunch of blankets to put down to hopefully make it more cushier/no such luck! we didnt get much sleep that nite at all :(

On sunday we went to a birthday party for our friends son. it was his first birthday , it was a good time also, but we were tired. They are getting married on sept 4 and dave and the hubs were talking wedding details, and then i found out that i now am in the wedding! yikes, at least i get to walk with my sexy hubby. All the people that are in the wedding are hubs and wife, except 2 people so its going to be fun. but yikes, we have to find a sitter because now they have decided to not have kids and we arent sure if anyone in the fam is available.

Still need those recipes and book suggestions and also any ideas for a picky eater if you have read the previous blog post!

thanks and have a great monday!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Picky Eaters? and other misc stuff...

Hi All~

hope your week has been going well. Everything has been good so far this week, here in the pepin house. The hubs has been working lots of over time this summer so besides having guests, family time has been to a minimum on weekends because hes usually working on the weekend, or at least saturdays. Then sunday we run errands if need be or just hang at the house. During the week its also cut to a minimum because hes usually working all day long and then on nites when i work he comes in the door and im literally walking out and dont see each other till about 10 pm and then we spend about an hour and then its bedtime. Hopefully that will change soon, im hoping to get a job in a school district so i can have the same schedule as the kids and we can be home together in the evenings. I have quit my part time job as it has drastically changed since i began there in december. When i first started working i was working 5 nites a week 5-9. Then in the spring they were changing the schedule and said we would be having a set schedule. so i chose to work m,t and th. E had boy scouts on wednesdays and i chose to have a long weekend with the fam as the hubs usually got some over time on fridays. My work really harrassed me about going to pharmacy training, to become a tech, which i completed in may. I never have utilized my training even as i was going thru it, except at the training store i was at. Everytime i was scheduled i only cashiered, which is fine i love being a customer service type person and im good at it. THe thing that bugged me was why have me do the training and waist that time if you werent ever going to allow me to use it. Id brought it to the attention of the pharmacist in charge and also the store manager and nothing changed. I also asked why i was only getting scheduled one day a week and then getting two weeks off and then 1 day again. For example the whole month of june i only worked 12 hrs....for the whole month. I live 45 minutes away from where i work so driving out there for 1 day is the money it takes to fill the gas tank. LAME LAME LAME!!!! I would leave notes asking why i wasnt being scheduled the 3 days they told me i was and they said the scheduling is like a jigsaw puzzle so they were trying to get everyone on . But they thing is people that they hired after me that are pharmacy interns were getting way more hours than me. Finally after i brought it to the store manager ive been getting at least 2 days a week but still nothing is changing, im still just cashiering. Ive asked for a transfer to a store closer to where i live..there are two like within 10 minutes. But then if they say they can take me and call the store i work out they refuse to let me go. So we just decided it would be better for me to quit stay home and hopefully get a job that goes better with the kids school schedule( school breaks the same, snow days sick days etc)

In other blog news/topics, M is a picky eater, and has been for about a year since he turned 3. My mother always told me feed your kids everything, even if you dont like it so they wont be picky.R never has been a picky eater in his 15 years. And E has always been a great eater, he likes trying new things and usually eats whats put in front of him. M was a great eater from the start then when he turned 3 it all went out the window. He eats good at lunch and breakfast , its usually when its dinner time, family functions or going out that i have issues. He likes a variety of things, but then he wont eat meat, really. If i make lasagna, spaghetti, american chop suey he wont pick the beef out, but if we have cheeseburgers, chicken breasts, pork etc he wont eat it, even with some sort of sauce to dip it in. he eats pizza with toppings. The wic people think its a texture issue that hes just having and will grow out of it but when, he will be 4 at the end of august!!! I am growing wary of having to prepare a meal then have to find something else for him to eat. he loves chicken nuggets, pizza, pasta, grilled cheese, fruit( fresh and canned) some veggies,cereal, mac and cheese,pbj, and tuna helper of all things( and eats it all and doesnt pick anything out!!) hes a great milk drinker and likes water, likes oj but not to many other juices( never really has) they take a childrens multi-vitamin. and i do try and introduce new things, or keep re-trying what we have already had before and have witnessed him eating it. Hes grown whiny about it or will just not eat it.Everyone has just said fix him what he likes so there wont be an issue but seriously? I have a sister who has been this way almost her whole life and my mom had 5 kids so imagine cooking dinner for your family and either they wont eat it or there portion has to be altered so they would. She is in her 20's now and still eats the same way. She has kids and i wonder if she only makes what she likes and gives them that instead of making other things for the family and then making something different for herself. I dont want M to be this way. We dont give him lots of milk to fill up on or snacks/treats either(except with the poo in the potty thing) so i have no idea what to do or how to resolve this. Help blog readers and fellow blogees! ( is that even a word?) Feel free to leave comments or email me !

What are your weekend plans? We are going to see the hubs mom and uncle they are camping and not sure if we are staying overnite tomorrow then hopefully coming home on sunday and hanging out. Im not to keen on this camping idea since there wont be other kids to play with and the hubs cousin who is close to his age wont be there either. So this should be interesting since when there is a family function thats mostly what he does is hang with his cousin. so we will see, he says i dont have to go but then if i dont its not participating in a family function and i wouldnt have a car since we are down to one car right now while hes repairing his....Lame!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Howdy Ya'all

Hi Everyone! Happy Monday!

Hope this finds everyone well. Its been busy as usual here. Not with just the kids but with work and life in general. Hopefully it slows down the next few weeks before schools back.

Im still looking for fellow bloggers and readers to send me recipes that i can share with my sister and to keep for myself. Im also looking for anyone to send me good summer reads. I read a book my sister left, and it was a good book but a very hard subject matter.

In other news my baby will be 4 soon! i cant believe it. it seems like the time has flown by! we have been trying to potty train since he was 2 but he was interested at first and would do it occasionally, then we sent him to a babysitter that unbeknownst to us was forcing him to sit on a regular potty with no potty seat till he would go because she didnt want to change diapers. Talk about a jekyll and hyde situation!! she was getting paid cash every friday, and having diapers provided for her, and claimed she would feed him becuase she would only have M and her same age son, because E and her daughter would be in school all day. Every day she was asking for us to provide food because she didnt have enough. She didnt have enough food? where was the money going that we paid her with? 110$ cash every week and she didnt have food? She also had her power shut off numerous times..and she knew my schedule was 730-430 m-f it never changed, so i would drop the kids at 715 and pick them up at 445 barring traffic or weather, and she also said that i wasnt getting them when i was supposed too, how is that, i couldnt clock out of work till 430 by the time i got to her house it was never later than 445 and if it was i called. so needless to say i had to quit my job because i couldnt find someone i could trust again and it had to be in the school district for E to get on the bus. We tried again to potty train M when he was 3 and he started doing it but then we found out we were getting our job transfer to the east coast.And that wasnt going to fly. because we would be driving cross country, and we wouldnt be able to stop every 15-45 min to go potty. We would be on the road for 10+ hrs a day in order to make it here in the short time that his work was allowing.
We started again this spring and it finally caught on. We were using the treat system of if he went pee pee he got 1 piece of candy or 3 chocolate chips. The hard part was getting him to poo in the potty it was like he was afraid to do that. Finally it worked! He has been able to do it. Ive been able to put undies on him and not have really any accidents, daddy is still unsure of that so if we go any long distances he wears a diaper. He is still wearing them at nite and nap time. But then because we have had visitors hes been in a diaper alot. Any suggestions on how to get it all the way with no diaper at either bed or naptime? Also we have yet to get him to go potty on a regular potty, here at home or in public, that is something we have yet to master. Our potty chair has a removeable top that you can place on the regular one but hes not into that. We got him to stand once but he didnt quite make it in, if you know what i mean. Hes by far been the hardest to get to do this. With R all i did was stick undies on him at 3 and never looked back we never had an accident. With E he would go sit on the potty on his own before each tubby and it took 2 days to poo train him. M by far has been the most mind boggling and stressful. Every one tells me that every kid is different and that not to compare but sheesh some days im ready to pull my hair out!

In other pepin family news im looking for new work. In washington i worked in medical records and i love love loved it. I hated to quit. We moved here in November and i got a part time nite job in december so 1 it would be a little extra income coming in and for 2 we wouldnt have to find and pay a sitter so we could pocket the money. Everything was fine for awhile. I was working lots of hours and doing training etc. In the spring my hours were getting less and less and i was close to finishing my pharmacy tech training. Even with me going to the training all i did was still cashier, but thats why they were pushing the training was because they needed me to do other things. Ive completed the training and here i am doing cashiering. I am supposed to be scheduled at least three days a week m-t- th and i am getting 1 day a week if im lucky. I got 12 hrs for the whole month of june and so far at least one day each week in july. Its just not helping anything. Ive tried to get a transfer to another store and that isnt working out. Ive said something to the pharmacist in charge and she has no answers. I finally said something to the store manager and she said that i would have to do the leg work for a transfer but if i found someone then i could go. Because the only other option is to quit. I cant fathom quitting without finding something else. which im desperatly trying to do, wether it be in the school district so i can have the same schedule as the kids or the hours that M would be in preschool if we could some how afford it. Things arent very good finace wise, the hubs is working tons of hours and giving up vacation days to go on road jobs just so we have extra money. The rent is affordable right now because it includes all utilities,which is great. but then we have car payments and food to buy and then of course lots of state taxes that we didnt have before. Plus we want to be able to go and do stuff. We had some set backs in early april and early may that werent planned that we havent been able to recover from. So im hoping our luck turns around on all avenues soon.

well im going to close this post out for now, please vote for us on top mommy blogs and also send those recipes and book suggestions this way! and i will be posting more now since things are winding down on this front! have a great monday!